some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Are we still banned from the library?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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