He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
