He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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