THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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