Dual....:-)
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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