to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
