Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think my moral compass just broke
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
