I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
