Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
