Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
