Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
