His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Im part way to drunk.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
