My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
