I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
