guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So squirting runs in the family.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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