so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
