I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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