True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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