Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
