keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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