u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
