There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize