i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize