she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
