Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
