I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
