Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
