My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
