Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
