Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
