wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
