Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
