everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
