Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
