what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
