ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
