I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
