just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
