That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
