Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
