this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
