I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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