At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
