So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
