you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
