I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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