hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
