i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
