I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just want to make out with him forever
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
