You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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