I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
