This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
