I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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