Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
