I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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