He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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