as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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