when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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