look no pants
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
