Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
