What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
