Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
