working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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