i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
