This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
