he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
