I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
