I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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