When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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