Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
