The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
