i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
